


Lady of the Night

by LovingCSFanfiction



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, No Smut, Romance, best friend's sibling au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-01 16:37:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4027102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovingCSFanfiction/pseuds/LovingCSFanfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Killian Jones loses both his long-term girlfriend and his hand in the same night, he wants nothing more than to forget. In a moment of weakness, he calls Mr. Gold’s Escort Service and, for the next few weeks, Killian enjoys the company of the woman Mr. Gold calls, “The Swan”. But what happens when he finds out she’s the younger sister of his best friend from college? CS Client/Prostitute AU, CS Best Friend’s Sibling AU. There is no smut in the story, but there are implied sexual situations. Rated T.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I’m back! I didn’t think I’d be starting a new story so soon, but I’ve been wanting to write this since about chapter 16 of Tutor Me. It’s going to be significantly shorter, and it is more adult themed than a HS AU, but I hope you like it. Thanks again to my beta Em for joining on another fic and for the newest member of the crew, Lisa! 
> 
> As a reminder, I don't own Killian, Emma, or any of the OUAT characters.

The rum was burning his throat, pain slipping down as he took another sip of the amber liquid. It had been a good distraction at first, the alcohol dimming his infernal anguish. But lately, as the weeks passed, its salving effects had lessened. His body was becoming more and more tolerant and, even when he tried to drown his sorrows in heavier liquor, it wouldn’t work anymore.

Every time he closed his eyes, the picture of Milah’s lifeless body filled his mind. He remembered calling out to her, but the wind had been knocked out of him and his voice got no further than his throat. He remembered his hand being pinched, his wrist throbbing and his arm shooting with pain, but still tried to pull it from its confines to help her.

 _That_ was the reason Killian lost his hand. He lost it to _save_ her, but instead, he just lost them both. After a three-week stint in a coma, the doctor claimed that he could have saved it if he had let it be, if he _hadn’t_ tried to save her. The doctor said he was lucky that it was only his hand, that he had woken up from this coma altogether.

Luck? Killian scoffed in the doctor’s face. Sure, he was alive. But what kind of life was he going to live without his other half? Without the only light in his darkened world? Without the only person who had ever truly seen him? Without _her_? He was no stranger to death; his brother, mother, _and_ father all passed away before the time he was eighteen.

He moved to America and started a new life, one that could rid himself of the demons holding his heart. He started college and met some friends and, through them, Milah. For eight years, she had been his, and _he_ , hers. It was a love story for the books. He made her adventurous, daring, and spontaneous. She made him kinder, softer, and loving.

But now? Now he was lonely.

Now that the alcohol was no longer working, he had to find a new way to forget. He tried, for a while, to live with the memories, with the _feelings_ , but it was too hard. He _had_ to find a way to forget. He looked at the card for Mr. Gold’s Escort Service. Was it a way to forget? Absolutely not. But he was out of options.

Killian could have tried to go to a bar and woo a girl for the night, but he didn’t want to do that. Not only would he be unable to keep up a delightful mood for that long, he didn’t feel right about bedding her with no intentions of anything more. He settled for calling an escort service, to sleep with someone and have no strings attached. He may never see her again, and that would be okay. And, he’d be able to give her something in return.

Killian kept telling himself that that made it okay for him to go through with this.

He heard a knock on the dingy motel room door – he couldn’t bring her back to his and Milah’s house, knowing what he was going to do and who he was going to do it with. He knew this was in no way cheating, that he was free to do what he wanted, but it didn’t mean he had to do it in his bed at _home_ , where the mere color of the walls made him sob.

Placing the old fashioned glass on the table and tossing the business card next to it, he stood up and swayed over to the door. Killian brought his hand to the knob as he heard another knock, and slowly, he opened the door.

A blonde haired woman stood before him in a very, _very_ short dress. It was black, skin tight, and barely covering her ass. He gave her a once over, trying to decide if he could actually pay her to sleep with him, before accepting his new fate.

“Mr. Jones?” the woman asked, and Killian’s eyes shot straight to the woman’s. She had clearly used her most seductive voice, one that did things to him that were beyond his control. He nodded as he began to use his left arm to gesture her in. As soon as he realized his lack of hand, his face flushed and he hid it behind his back and waited for her to come in.

Killian noticed her swaying her hips a bit more than what was probably natural for her. She was fluid with her motions, and he couldn’t figure out how she could be so graceful with the high heels she was wearing. She placed her bag on the motel chair before turning back to him.

Killian lifted his right hand to scratch behind his ear. It was starting to get raw from all the attention – he used to shift between right and left pretty equally. Now that it was purely on his right, the skin was beginning to hurt whenever he touched it, but his nerves outweighed the pain.

“Well, Mr. Jones—”

“Killian,” he interrupted. “My name’s Killian. And, uh, what do you want me to call you?”

She gave him a smile. “You can just call me Swan.”

Killian furrowed his eyes at her. “You truly wish me to believe your name is _Swan_?” he asked, confused at the name he was supposed to call her.

She sauntered over to him, bringing her hand up to his face and dragging the smooth backside down his cheek. “Believe what you want, _Killian,_ but that’s what you should call me tonight.” She nearly purred his name as she settled her hand at the nape of his neck, rubbing a circle pattern behind his ear and sifting her fingers through his hair. “I do have a few rules before we start.”

Killian nodded in agreement, waiting to see what she had to say. She went back to dig through her purse, finding a small, black square and placing it on the table. “This is non-negotiable,” she challenged, as if he was going to tell her to leave since he had to wear a condom.

It was true, Milah had been on the pill and he hadn’t needed to fumble with one in ages, _and_ he was entirely unsure how he was going to put it on with one hand, but he knew that if he was going to do this one-night-stand and never see her again, he had to go along with her rules. “Understood,” he murmured, feeling slightly embarrassed by her rules. “Although, I might need a bit of help…” He couldn’t help the pink that now tinged his cheeks, but she seemed to have no problem with his answer.

“I won’t spend the night here. As soon as we’re through, I’ll be leaving.” Killian hadn’t even thought about the _after_ , but he couldn’t help but feel thankful she didn’t want to stay. He didn’t know if he could wake up tomorrow morning and have physical evidence of what he did.  

“Of course,” he said.

“I have one more rule.” Swan walked over to Killian again. “I need the money upfront.”

Killian’s heart panged, knowing that he was going to pay this woman to have sex with him, but he walked over to the night-bag he had brought and took out a checkbook. “How much do I owe?” he asked, finding a pen on the motel nightstand.

He brought his eyes up to hers, waiting for her answer.

“Three hundred.”

He looked down at his lap and began writing the designated amount on the check. “To whom shall I make this out?” As Killian said the words, he realized he really _was_ doing this. This was _really_ going to happen.

Swan swayed her hips once more as she made her way to the bed, sitting down slowly and placing her lips right next to his ear. “Just make it out to Mr. Gold,” she whispered before beginning to nibble it slowly.

Killian shivered as he wrote “G-O-L-D” on the line, followed by his signature. He passed it to her. “I don’t pay you directly?” he asked.

Swan pulled back from her ministrations and gave a slight chuckle. “Mr. Gold takes care of us.” She ran her hand up and down his arm. “Although, I doubt you want to spend tonight talking about my boss…” She licked her lips as she stared directly into his eyes. Killian passed her the check, and she double-checked the amount before placing it into a secure spot in her purse.

Killian had been slightly nervous before, but nothing compared to now. Not only was he apprehensive, he was also slightly embarrassed and ashamed of the decision he was about to make. When Swan turned back towards him, he abandoned all feelings, just imagining that he had gotten this girl to come here for other reasons. “I, uh… I want you to know that I’ve never done this… _ever_.”

Swan paused in her spot. “Are you a virgin?” she asked, and Killian couldn’t tell if her tone was one of pity or curiosity.

“What? No, absolutely not!” Killian replied quickly, making sure there was no room for her to misunderstand his words this time. “I meant… you know.” When Swan stared at him under furrowed eyebrows, he leaned forward and whispered, “uh, with a _prostitute_ …”

Swan stilled at the term, and Killian could tell it took every ounce of her being to force herself to relax. “That’s what they all say…” She finally stood before him, pushing him further on the bed so she could straddle him. “Well, there’s a first time for _everything_ ,” she murmured, peppering a kiss to his jaw line.

“And, about my hand… or lack of…” Killian shot a look toward his stump, holding up a handless arm in her direction. “Is this going to be a problem?”

Swan looked over at it before taking her hands and placing both of them around his arm. She then lowered her lips to the rough skin, leaving a mark from her lipstick. “Not at all,” she said, licking it before turning back to face him.

Swan let his hand go and turned back to him, placing a hand on each side of his head. She leaned down and pressed her lips on his, pulling back and looking at him under her heavily painted eyelashes. “Is this okay?”

Killian stared into her green eyes, surprised he was able to get lost in them. He gave a slight nod, and she lowered herself to kiss him again. This time, she grazed his bottom lip with her tongue, willing him to open himself to her. When he did, she began a dance, pushing him further into the mattress.

Swan backed up from him, and he watched as she toed off her shoes and brought her hand up to the back of her dress.

Keeping deep eye contact, she slowly guided the zipper down her back until the dress naturally fell off her body.

* * *

Killian rolled off of her, panting heavily and feeling sated for the moment. He was surprised at how much he enjoyed himself, a small smile pulling at his lips. Swan _clearly_ knew what she was doing, and every inch of his body was thanking her for it. He tiled his head to the side to look at her. She was staring at the ceiling, breathing just as heavily as he was. She seemed to be counting in her head as she steadied herself.

When she looked at him to make sure he’d come down from his high, she slowly sat up. Killian wasn’t quite sure what to do in this moment. He had already paid her, and she said she wasn’t going to stay, but it felt awkward watching her stand up to dress herself and leave.

Just as he was about to reach out to her and pull her back to a post-coital bliss, she walked around the room, just as naked as the day she was born, without even looking at him. “Well, big boy,” she said, still using her seductive voice and stirring something within his stomach. She nodded towards him before saying, “it looks like my work here is done.” Swan finally brought her eyes up to him as she was pulling the dress over her head. Her hair was a complete mess, and she pulled it into a messy bun.

Killian began to frown. “Oh, uh, thanks…?” He mentally hit himself, thinking how stupid he must sound in this moment. _Thanks_? What a pathetic way to end the night!

Swan dipped her head in acknowledgement as she sat at the table and began to put on her shoes, avoiding any glances at him. She then checked in her purse to make sure the check was still in there, as if there was a chance he could have stolen it while they were doing what they were doing.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a bit?” Killian closed his eyes in embarrassment. He really didn’t know what he was doing.

“I don’t spend the night with clients,” Swan’s voice was cold, the seductiveness gone in an instant, as she stood and started walking towards the door. She looked like she was determined to get out of there as quickly as possible.

“Will I see you again?” The words came out of his mouth before he got a chance to comprehend what he was saying. This was supposed to be a one-time thing – a chance to scratch an itch Milah could no longer scratch and make him forget all his troubles for the night.

She turned the knob on the door and opened the only exit from the room, finally glancing back at him with a neutral look before saying, “That depends. You’ll have to call Mr. Gold and ask for his Swan. Want me to turn on the lights for you?” When he declined, she walked out the door, closing it quietly behind her without another word.

Killian stayed in the bed for a minute before depositing the condom and cleaning himself up, changing into a pair of basketball shorts he had brought along with him. He slowly made his way back to the main room, flopped down on the bed and hid under the covers.

He ran his head through his hair, looking out the small crack between curtain and window and seeing the darkened night sky. His heart beat fast as his brows furrowed, deep in thought. He’d been right – sex _had_ made him forget about Milah.

But now? He felt worse than ever.

The very _worst_ part of it was that something inside of him, deep, deep down wanted to see Swan again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, betas, for being too kind to me!
> 
> Alcoholism trigger warning? I don't know, he drinks a lot in this chapter, but he's not addicted to it.

The sex had been good. _Really_ good. There was no way he could deny that when it came to his evening with Swan.

Milah had been his only lover before her. He didn’t know it could be different from what he shared with Milah, and he was surprised how it felt when he came together with Swan.

That isn’t to say Milah hadn’t been great. Every time with her was like some new adventure, and the passion and love they had for each other only deepened their connection. With Milah, it could only be described as “making love”, despite that being terribly cliché.

There was just something about sleeping with Swan that was… _different_. It was new, it was great, and he couldn’t get it out of his mind. His body was humming for it to happen again.

Killian used that as the excuse for why he called Mr. Gold a _second_ time.

_“Mr. Gold’s Escort Service, Gold speaking,”_ a man said on the other line.

Killian took a deep breath, hating himself a little bit more that he was considering doing this again. “Hi, my name is Killian and I’d like to request, uh, someone for the night.”

_“Do you have any preference who you’d like to see?”_ Gold had an accent, and it was difficult to make his words out over the phone. He tried to imagine what this “Mr. Gold” might look like, but all he could come up with is some pimp with a sharp suit, a cane, and a golden tooth.

“I had someone named Swan last time… I’d like her to come again, if possible…” Killian closed his eyes. He was _really_ bad at this.

_“Any specific dates?”_ he asked.

“Uh, when is she available?”

_“She happens to have an opening tonight, otherwise you’ll have to wait until next Sunday._ ” Killian cocked his head. He wasn’t expecting to be able to have her so soon after calling – it had been three days before she had come last time. But, if he didn’t take this shift, he knew he wouldn’t see her again for another six days.

He mustered up all his confidence before saying, “Tonight’s good.”

Killian could hear Mr. Gold chuckle on the other side. “Will your address be the same as last time?”

“Yeah… I’m still staying at the motel on Main Street. I’m now in room 2A, though.” _Same address_. The words rang in his brain, reminding him that not only had he paid for sex before, he was willing to do so, _again_ , and that they had him on file as a customer.

_“Alright, I’ll pencil you in. Swan will be at the motel at 11:00 pm. Will that be an okay time for you?”_

“Uh, sure. Goodbye, then…” Killian muttered into the phone, waiting for him to reply with the same sentiment before hanging up.

Killian got up from his spot at the kitchen table. He really had no clue what he was doing anymore. All he knew was that there was _something_ about Swan that he liked.

Plus, the sex was pretty damn good.

* * *

Swan fell forward, still straddling Killian, closing her eyes as she calmed her breathing. Killian brought his only hand up and ran it through her sweat-stained hair. “Wow… That was… Wow.”

Once she seemed to calm herself, Swan hoisted herself up and off of Killian, and he immediately missed her body on his. Tonight had been another new experience for him, and he couldn’t help the bursting feeling he felt in the pit of his stomach as he tried to calm his body down. He brought his left arm up and rested it over his eyes, remembering every single second of what he and Swan had just done.

Swan started roaming the room again, gathering her clothes. There had been a little bit more haste this time, Killian immediately gave in to his animalistic tendencies as soon as she put her lips on his. He remembered how, once again, he forgot about his life as Swan made him feel good, great, _amazing_. Just as he was thinking about the moment she flipped them over until she was on top, he heard a small voice coming from the corner. “Have you seen my bra?”

There was something in the tone that Killian didn’t like. He’d much rather have the confident woman that shows up at his door, or even the cold one that had left him three days before. This Swan was quiet, reserved, and she sounded almost humiliated that she lost her clothing.

“I can help you find…” Killian’s voice trailed off as Swan turned on the light. She was wearing only her black underwear, and it was the first time he had seen her topless with the lights on. His eyes opened wide, staring, before he shook his head and remembered what he had to be doing.

“It was black with lace…” Swan continued to look around the room. She looked up at him, and she seemed suddenly shy of her nakedness, despite what they’d done… _Twice_. She covered her breasts with her left arm as she continued to search with her right.

Killian hopped off the bed and went around to the other side, flipping up the skirt and kneeling to look underneath. “Ah!” he said, grabbing the garment by its skinny strap and pulling it out from underneath. “I’ve found it.”

If it was possible, Swan’s cheeks deepened in color. “Thanks…” She placed one arm in each strap and pulled it onto her body, reaching behind herself to hook it together. When he noticed she was struggling, he walked over to her.

“Here, let me hel—”

“I don’t need help,” Swan said quickly, stepping forward and away from him. Killian’s face must have shown rejection because when she turned to look at him, her tensed shoulders relaxed a bit. “Could you just, hold my hair or something?”

Killian walked over and brushed her hair up from her neck. “This used to be a lot easier when I had two hands,” Killian tried to joke, but as soon as he said it, his voice turned stale. “Sorry, that was terrible.”

Swan did a forced chuckle as she hooked the sides of her bra closed and turned her face slightly to look at him, over her shoulder. “Has it been long?” she asked. “You seem like this is a new thing for you…” She completely turned around to face him, genuine curiosity in her eyes. When she met him to see the pain behind his face, she quickly retracted. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

Killian swallowed, not sure how this night turned into this morbid conversation, but he shook his head. “It’s only been about six weeks…” Killian looked down at his stump, unnatural hatred for the thing boiling in his blood. “And I was in a coma for three of them…”

Swan placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry…”

Killian shrugged her hand off of him. “I don’t need your pity.”

“I wasn’t…” Swan stood in her spot, a slight frown on her face. “I didn’t mean…”

Killian closed his eyes as he walked over to the bed, finding his shorts right underneath. “No need to feel bad for the cripple.” He spat, turning around slowly. “You dropped your dress is over there.” He pointed to the foot of the bed.

Swan still studied him for a minute before walking over to the floor and starting to dress again. She was silent for the rest of her time in the motel room, and Killian could tell she just didn’t know what else to say or do.

“So, um, thanks again…” Killian muttered as he walked her to the door.

Swan gave him one longing look before nodding her head. “Goodnight, Mr. Jones.”

“It’s Killian.”

He closed the door, turning off the light and padded his way to the bed. He got under the covers and turned to his side, his eyes staring straight at his stump.

He _hated_ it. Not only was it more difficult to do things, it was a physical reminder of what he lost. Swan was a professional, never bringing attention to it while they were having sex, making him feel whole through kisses and the use of her body. He knew she must be disgusted by it – how could she not be? It’s hideous, not some proud battle scar.

He threw the sheets back and walked over to the mini-fridge. He took out the rum he had stashed in there earlier and grabbed a cup from the counter, pouring himself a hefty glass of the amber liquid. He tossed the cup back, swallowing the whole thing in only a few gulps. The self-pity was back, the loneliness was back, and he felt it slowly creeping into his bones and heart.

It was then that Killian realized that he _needed_ Swan. It was the only way that he felt normal again. And, while the thought of paying someone to have sex with him _still_ made him sick to his stomach, Killian was able to ignore every other part of his life while he was in the throes of their passion.

Downing another glass, he picked up his phone and dialed the number for Mr. Gold’s Escort Service, scheduling two more visits with Swan.

After ending the call, he added the company’s number as a contact into his phone. Swan might bleed him dry of his cash, but money meant nothing when he didn’t have anything – or, really, _anyone_ – better to spend it on.

Killian tossed his phone to the counter, the alcohol finally starting to blur his vision. He stumbled back to the bed and immediately fell asleep.

* * *

**_Six Months Later…_ **

_“You free in two Saturdays?”_ Killian’s best friend asked over the phone.

“I think so, what’s up, Dave?” Really, he _knew_ he was free. He quit his job at the docks once he quickly discovered he could no longer able to do it without a second hand, and with Milah gone, all he did was bum around his house and wallow in his memories.

_“Mary Margaret is throwing me a 30 th birthday party. It’s kind of like an open-house sort of thing, so just come on by anytime…”_ David sounded like he was walking on eggshells around him. Once Killian woke from the coma, they asked for an emergency contact. Since Milah and his family were gone, he turned to Dave. He immediately dropped what he was doing to be at his side, apologizing over and over again that he wasn’t there sooner.

Killian, of course, lashed out at him, putting a strain on their friendship. He knew this was David’s way of reaching out to him, especially since he hadn’t been very social with his friends over the past few months. Hell, there could even be a chance that Mary Margaret put this whole thing together just for the two of them to talk.

In the end, he really did miss David, and his other college friends, too.

“Sure.” Killian frowned into the phone, panic rising in his system. It had been six months, he should be _over_ Milah by now. Or, at _least_ in a better place in his life. Instead, he spent his days drinking and his nights paying a prostitute to sleep with him. His mere existence was a joke, and he didn’t want his friends to know how poorly he was handling his life. “Yeah, I’ll stop by.”

There was a pause, and Killian heard a deep breath, before David spoke again. _“How’s the hand, Kill?”_

Killian’s throat tightened. Besides his co-workers when he had to quit his job all those months ago and Swan, David and Mary Margaret were the only one who knew he didn’t have a hand. Other than that, he tried to just ignore it and wallow in self-pity when no one was looking. “Don’t you mean lack of?” Killian knew his voice was unfriendly and closed off, but it was a topic he really didn’t like talking about.

He could only imagine David wincing at his friend’s response. _“Killian—”_

“Well, I can tell you that phantom-limb syndrome is definitely a thing,” Killian stared at his arm, thinking about all those times it felt like his hand was on fire, but there was nothing he could do to relieve the pain. “I guess I’m getting used to it. I don’t reach for things with my left arm as much as I did in the beginning…”

_“Do you want to talk about… Anything?”_

He knew what that meant. David was trying to find out if Killian was depressed about Milah, especially since it was nearing the six-month anniversary of the accident. Killian was going to nip that in the bud before he started crying. “I’m fine, mate. No worries.” He stood up and went to the fridge, getting the bottle of rum out to prepare for the rest of this conversation.

_“I’m – hey! – We’re just worried about you.”_ Killian felt a smile tug for the first time, imagining Mary Margaret hitting David when he wasn’t going to include her.

He grabbed a glass and started pouring. “I know you are. Tell Mary Margaret hi for me.”

_“Thanks, Killian. I miss you!”_ he heard Mary Margaret call in the background. He had a soft spot for his friend’s wife. She was always kind to him, making him feel at home right away when he moved to America.

“It’s only a couple weeks until I’ll see you again.” Killian looked up at the clock, noticing he had been talking to his friend much longer than expected. He took a large swig of his drink before ending the conversation. “Hey, I have to go. Talk to you soon?”

_“Yeah. Bye, Killian.”_

“Bye, Mate.”

Killian’s half-smile immediately vanished, his eyes darting to his stump again. He loved his friends, he really did, but there was something about letting everyone see it that made him tense up. He took another sip of his drink, noticing that it was only 11:00 in the morning, but he really couldn’t care less.

 A lump formed in his throat when he thought of the accident. The dreams were still vivid, and he could still see the bright lights flashing in his eyes every time they were closed. Sometimes, the memories hit him harder, making his heart ache and his chest contract.  This was one of those moments, where the alcohol wasn’t dulling the pain and his heart couldn’t take it.

Killian shook his head, taking his phone out and choosing the contact of his most recent outgoing call. He cleared his throat when the man picked up. “Mr. Gold? Yes, this is Killian. I’d like to request Swan again.”

* * *

Ten years.

His brother died _ten years_ ago.

Before Milah, his brother had been the toughest death he had to deal with. His heart ached each and every day for his big brother. Liam meant the world to Killian, and suddenly, he was just… _gone_.

It was Liam’s death that led him to America. He just needed to get away from the sadness and find a new home. Slowly, he was able to build the pieces back together, David, Mary Margaret, and Milah being a big part of the recovery.

But today? He didn’t have any of them to help him.

Killian wasn’t usually a crier. He found it something a weak person would do. He couldn’t control himself today, though, because he finally realized one thing.

Killian no longer remembered the sound of Liam’s voice.

Maybe if Liam said something to him on the street he’d immediately remember, but there was no chance of that ever happening, and it scared him that he lost the memory.

Then he realized that there could be a day he forgets what Milah sounds like, and _that_ was his tipping point.

He hadn’t even realized what day it was when Swan was next scheduled to come. Mr. Gold had offered up “Tuesday”, and Killian took it without finding out the exact date. Now, he was tempted to call the escort company up and cancel altogether. Hell, if nothing else, it would save him $300. But, every time he brought his phone up and clicked on the Escort Service’s contact, he put the phone down.

He didn’t want to be alone tonight.

At precisely 11:00, he heard a sharp knock on the door. His head immediately turned towards the door, knowing exactly who was on the other side. Killian’s stomach flipped as he stood up and walked to the door, placing his hand slowly on the knob and opening it.

Swan was standing in her usual seductive pose in the doorframe, but when she saw him, red eyes and hard breathing, she stood up straight and frowned. “Is everything alright, Mr. Jones?”

Killian was about to answer that everything was fine, that she could come in and they could have sex and she could leave. But seeing her, concern lacing her features, Killian broke down. “Not really.”

“Do you… Want to talk about it?” Swan asked, and Killian ushered her into the room with his handless arm. She stood in the middle of everything, looking around not knowing what to do.

“I apologize, this is bad form, Swan,” Killian said through sobs. “It’s just a tough day for me.”

Swan walked over to him, lacing their hands together and slowly bringing him to the bed. There was clearly no intention behind her actions other than to just sit by him and pat his hand. “What… Did something happen?”

Killian looked down at their combined hands before going back up to her face. This was a whole new Swan he’d never seen before, one that almost seemed interested in his problems. His heart surged and his breathing quickened at her concerned expression. It had been a long time since someone looked at him like that without a hint of pity for his hand. “Aye, you could say that.” Killian felt his bottom lip begin to tremble. “My brother died.”

“Oh my god, seriously?” Her mouth dropped, her eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets. “Today? I’m so sorry!”

Killian shook his head. “No, ten years ago. Today’s just the anniversary. And usually I have my girlfriend to get me through the day…”

“But she broke up with you.”

Again, Killian shook his head. “I wish. She died when I lost my hand…” He brought up his arm, as if Swan really needed the reminder that he was only one-handed. “And I suppose Liam’s death just reminds me of all the thing’s I’ve lost and will never get back.”

Swan sighed, unlacing their hands and rubbing it up his arm in a slow, soothing motion. “What was Liam like?”

It was odd, the desire to tell her his story. He had only wanted her to come, get him off, and then leave, like she had done numerous times during the past six months. This conversation was deeper than anywhere they had ventured before, but her expression made the ache in his chest lighten, and he felt like he had to tell her.

“Well, he was nearly seven years older than me. Our parents died when I was young, and since he was of legal age, he took care of me while I grew up.” Killian gave a sad chuckle. “Boy, I can’t imagine being that young and having to raise a child. He joined the navy, and I was so damn proud of him.” Killian lifted his eyes to meet hers. “That’s how he died…”

“That’s an honorable way to go. No wonder you’re so proud.”

“I’d be proud of him anyway, even if he had some meaningless job. He could have thrown me to the streets or pawned me off on some friend, but instead, he chose to step up.”

“I can’t quite empathize with you, but I do know what it’s like to lose a brother…” Killian looked into Swan’s eyes, noticing a sadness that came over them. She then blinked her eyes, as if she revealed too much about her life, and the emotion was instantly gone.

He was on the verge of telling her about Milah, but the wound was still too fresh. “I’m sorry, Swan, but I don’t think I’ll be needing your services tonight.”

Swan slouched next to him, and suddenly he realized what that must have sounded like. “No, no, of course you’ll get compensation for your time.” He stood up and walked over to his bag, pulling out a check and writing it out for her.

“No, I couldn’t…”

Killian passed her the check. “It’s already written, you can’t give it back.”

Swan looked down at the check, and Killian could almost see the pain and anger that he knew she was hiding. “Thank you,” she mumbled. “If I went back to Gold with nothing…”

“Has it happened in the past?”

Swan looked at the check, her body shifting at his question. “Let’s just say I learned quickly that you get the money up front.” She puffed up her chest and stared at him with strong features. Her words were mysterious, and he wanted to know what more she meant.

“Are you sure there’s… _nothing_ I can do?” Swan asked, looking up and down his body before meeting his eyes again. Killian’s heart officially broke at her words. What happened that led her to be this desperate for money?

“Aye. Your kind words and sympathy were enough for me.” Killian stood up again, offering her his hand and walking her to the door. “Until next time.”

Swan nodded before placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. “Until next time, Killian.” It burned as he realized it was one of the first times she had said his name directly, without him having to correct her use of, _“Mr. Jones”_.

She left with a sad smile, and it was only after he was alone once more that he noticed that he had completely forgotten about his own troubles. When she was thinking of her personal problems, his own pity vanished, and all he wanted to do was make her feel better.

He looked at the full bottle of rum sitting on the table – he hadn’t even gotten around to putting it in the fridge when he got to the motel. As he stared at it, he realized he didn’t want to drink anything, at least not tonight, and instead took the few short steps necessary for him to crawl into bed.

It took him a while to fall asleep, but somehow he managed it, _without_ the sweet taste of alcohol lulling him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The muse loves reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 3! Sorry, I've been busy and haven't been able to write as much.
> 
> As you can tell, this story is going to be entirely from Killian's POV.
> 
> Also, if there are inaccuracies when it comes to hiring a prostitute or Killian's feelings, just go with it. I'm not sure on the specific details on this profession.

Parked outside of David’s house, Killian looked down at his prosthetic hand. He rarely wore it – only on rare occasions, like to the supermarket when he was out buying food for his lonely apartment. There was an uncomfortable pressure on his arm when he wore it, and the plastic didn’t match his skin color _quite_ right. He hated it – another reminder of what he lost.

He leaned back in the chair, resting back on the headrest. He closed his eyes, trying to muster up every ounce of confidence he had. This was it – this was the moment he was going to debut his hand for the world to see, along with it this new, bitter self to his friends, and the mere thought of it made him want to drive away.

Killian reached across his body with his right arm and opened the door, sliding out and stood in the middle of the street. There were rows of cars lined up outside, and it was a miracle that he was even able to park at all. Part of him wished he could have claimed he wasn’t able to find a spot and just drive off without looking back, but he knew he couldn’t do that to David (or, really, Mary Margaret).

Killian walked up the sidewalk to the path, coming up to their new house. Mary Margaret and David lived in an apartment down the street from Killian and Milah, but moved about a month before the accident. At first, it was tough not seeing them every day, especially since it was a good half hour to get to their new house, but with David and Mary Margaret anxious to start a real family, he couldn’t hold it against them.

A sign on the door said, “Come Right In!” Taking one final breath, Killian grabbed the handle with his right arm and pulled open the entrance to the Nolan household.

It was exactly the same as it was the last time he visited, seven months ago. Everything from their apartment in the city decorated the place, but it looked warmer now, feeling like a home. Killian heard some music playing in the background, and he followed the sound until he bumped right into his best friend’s wife.

“Oh, sorry…” Mary Margaret started to say as she turned around to see who she ran into. Her face morphed into a huge smile when she saw realized who it was, standing on her toes to wrap her arms around him. “ _Killian_!” she cried, hurting his ear in the process. “You came!”

“You doubted I would?” he joked, placing his right arm around her back, slightly putting his left behind his back. If he asked honestly, she probably _didn’t_ think he would come, but shook the thought from his mind. “It’s good to see you, Mary Margaret.”

She finally pulled back, placing a hand on each side of his face, her smile not faltering a bit. “David’s going to be so excited you’re here.”

“Speaking of, where is the birthday boy?” Killian asked, looking above Mary Margaret around the room.

Mary Margaret followed Killian’s eyesight before pointing to the back corner. “He’s back there, talking to his sister – the girl with the blonde hair.”

Killian found David talking in the corner to a blonde haired woman. “Hmm, David never told me he had a sister…” Killian looked back at Mary Margaret with a smirk on his face. “He was probably afraid the lass would fall for my ruggedly good looks.”

Mary Margaret chuckled at his comment. “Thank you for coming today. David’s really missed you… _We’ve_ really missed you.”

“I have too, Mary Margaret. I just had to figure out some stuff…”

Mary Margaret darted her eyes around the room and then lowered her voice. “And… Did you?”

Killian stilled, and he could see in Mary Margaret’s face that she wished she hadn’t asked. Frankly, he wished she hadn’t, either. “I’m… getting by.” It was the biggest explanation he could handle at the moment, and he hoped it was a good enough answer.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Mary Margaret replied. She put on her soft smile that made Killian feel at home. Seeing her made him realize he missed having her around, and Killian made a personal vow that he wouldn’t go this long without seeing her again.

“I should probably go say hello to Dave,” Killian said.

Mary Margaret gave a tiny nod as she leaned in for a hug again. “Please don’t leave without saying goodbye to me, okay? I really missed you.”

“I promise.” Killian gave Mary Margaret one last squeeze before he traveled across the living room. He patted his friend on the shoulder before David even noticed Killian was by him. “When am I allowed to start making old people jokes?”

David turned to Killian, a huge grin morphing on his face. “You’re not too far behind me, mate!” He then reached in for a hug. “It’s good to see you.” Killian patted his back before pulling away. “How are you feeling?”

Killian plastered a smile on his face. “Fine.”

“Oh, Emma!” David said, suddenly turning towards the blonde girl next to him. She had her head turned down so her hair was covering her face, and she was backing up slowly. David grabbed her hand and brought her back to stand by him. She started shifting in her spot, her head still not looking forward. “Killian, have I introduced you to my little sister before?” Slowly, her head started to look up, and Killian was not prepared for what he saw.

Swan.

_His_ Swan.

Killian swallowed, a lump in his throat growing at an alarming rate. “I can’t say you have…” Killian’s stared at her as she avoided his eyes.

Swan looked different here. Her make up wasn’t exaggerated, and her hair was neatly bobby-pinned back. Her shirt covering nearly all of her cleavage, and her clothes weren’t skin-tight… It was odd to see her look so different from the seductive Swan he knew.

And, yet, he’d never seen her more beautiful than right at this moment.

She held out a hand, “nice to meet you, Killian.”

Not missing a beat, he held out his good hand, “pleasure’s all mine…” She finally lifted her eyes to meet his as she shifted her feet, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

She turned to her brother, giving him a small smile. “I… I’m going to go get some fresh air.” Without waiting for a response, Emma walked away and out the patio door.

David didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong when he turned back to Killian. “Drinks are outside in the bucket if you’d like something… We have beers, Coke?”

Killian forced another smile. “Thanks. I’ll go get something.”

“Find me later, okay?” he asked as their friend Jefferson swooped in to talk to him.

Killian gave a small nod before following the same footsteps Swan had taken to get outside. She was sitting alone on the stairs leading from the deck to the grass, her head leaning to the side against the railing. She seemed to be counting and breathing, like she did every time after their sessions.

Slowly, he walked over to sit next to her. “So, David’s not dead.”

“I never said he was dead.” Swan turned to face him, and his heart broke a little. She had been crying. Her eyes were red and her face blotchy. He wasn’t quite sure what to do, so he awkwardly tried to place his arm across her shoulder, his prosthetic hand lightly touching her body.

When she didn’t push him away, he counted it as a win.

“David doesn’t know I’m a whore.”

Killian’s eyes widened at her confession, surprised at how blunt she had been. “I would never call you that…”

“Shut up,” she snapped before looking at him straight in the eyes. “He doesn’t know, and you can’t tell him.”

Killian stared at Emma, trying to read her. She was always so closed off, yet he had found some sort of special connection to her. He wanted to say something, _anything_ that might help fix the situation. “I won’t…” he murmured. “But if you’re ashamed—”

“I’m _not_ ashamed!” Emma hissed, interrupting him once again. “I just don’t want him to know.”

“I don’t think those feelings are mutually exclusive, love.” Emma looked away from him again, and Killian decided it was best to just keep talking. “Small world. I was looking for someone to take my mind off things, and your boss sends me Swan, my best friend’s sister.”

“The charade’s over, Killian. You can just call me Emma.” She stole a glance back up at him. “But we’re done. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

“What? Why?” Killian’s heart raced. Of course he knew why she wouldn’t want to see him again, but his head refused to accept it. The _one thing_ that made him feel alive, that made him forget every one of his troubles, was suddenly being taken away from him. She had become some sort of crutch for him, and her words were making him sick to his stomach.

“You _cannot_ be serious right now! I’m not going to _sleep_ with my brother’s friend for money! That’s just… wrong.”

Killian moved towards her a bit. “But… I need you.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “No one needs me,” her tone was one of disgust. “Men just need to get laid – that’s all I’m here for.”

Killian took a deep breath. “Remember how I told you that my brother and girlfriend died?” Emma nodded her head. “I called up for you that first night, wanting to forget everything. And you, I don’t know… You’ve done it. You make things less hard, the _world_ less hard.” He started to reach his hand towards her, about to brush some loose hair behind her ear, but retreated his hand before it could. “I need you to keep the demons at bay.”

Emma’s frown deepened. “Gold could have sent anyone and you’d feel this way about them. You’re just in a hard place, and you think of me as some sort of savior. Well, I’m not.”

“I don’t believe that.” He really didn’t. Killian didn’t think that he would feel better if it was one of Gold’s other escorts – it was _Emma_ that made him feel things again.

 She turned her head to look straight into his eyes, and Killian noticed how much greener they looked in the daylight. They were gorgeous, even in her angered state. “Listen to me, Killian. If you even _think_ about telling David and Mary Margaret that I am a prostitute, I’ll tell them how you know. They’ll only be disappointed in me – maybe even feel sorry. But you? They’re going to think of you as some pig who pays their little sister to have sex with him.”

His heart clenched, the air rushing out of his lungs at her words. “Emma…”

“There’s no going back from that, and they’ll cut you out of their lives faster than you can say Swan.”

She was about to stand up, but Killian beat her to it, holding her down with his plastic hand. She looked down at it, curiosity in her eyes. She looked back up at him. “Why are you wearing _that_?”

Killian pulled it away from her, hiding it behind his back like he did those first few nights they slept together. He began scratching that little spot at the back of his neck. The skin had finally gotten used to the continued abuse, no longer hurting him. “Uh, only you’ve seen the scar…”

Emma gazed into his eyes, and he was completely bewitched by her. There was only one other person in his life who he’d ever had this kind of connection with, and all Killian wanted to do in that moment was keep Swan there, to find any reason to keep her talking.

“It’s really not as bad as you think…” Emma finally responded, keeping her eyes in tact with his.

Killian scoffed, finally breaking their eye contact. “You have to say that.”

“Not right now, I don’t.” Emma placed a hand on his knee.

“I’ve told you, Emma. It’s ugly, it’s not something people want to see.”

“You let me see it,” Emma countered.

He stared at the fake hand before pulling the sleeve down a little further. “I didn’t _let_ you see it. I _paid_ you to see it.” Killian hated the words as soon as he said them, and wished he could take them back.

Emma suddenly held her chin up. “Yes. I suppose you did.” She stood up and flipped her hair behind her back, and his mind went back to how it felt when he brushed through her hair with his fingers. Killian’s heart tightened as Emma started to walk away, just like she did all those nights in the motels. He wanted to reach out to her, to call her back to talk more, but he didn’t. This time seemed different. This time seemed _final_.

He knew coming here was a bad idea. He _just knew_ he shouldn’t have come to this party. Killian stood up, the sudden need to get out of there too great. He walked out through the gate, avoiding going back inside in case someone would want to talk to him. Without a word to David or Mary Margaret – or Swan – he left the party.

As Killian was driving home, Emma filled his mind. He’d already formed some sort of peculiar bond with her during all those nights she’d come to him, and now that bond was ripped away from him. She’d always seemed to run away from things, at least in the conversations he’d had with her.

Once he got into his apartment, a sadness came over him, deeper than anything he’d felt since meeting Swan, since before Emma. He had been alone for seven months, but he had found Swan along the way, and that loneliness dulled. He had found someone to fill the void in his life that had once been empty. But now? Now the loneliness was worse than ever.

He had not only lost his love, his Milah.

He had also lost his Swan.

* * *

Killian was pacing his apartment, swirling alcohol in his glass. It had been two weeks since David’s party, and he was doing his best to respect Emma’s wishes. Hell, she was right. If David and Mary Margaret found out that he was sleeping with a _prostitute_ , let alone his sister… It was a forbidden territory that he wasn’t willing to cross.

That is, until the memories of Swan flooded his mind. It wasn’t even just the sex he thought about anymore. She was kind, non-judging… There was something about her that meant more to him than it should have for him to be a client.

Milah was still always at the back of his mind, but her presence had just gotten smaller and smaller, a little dull pain locked away. Now, he was consumed with his Swan, and he needed to see her again. It _couldn’t_ be over.

So, Killian did the only thing he could think to do: he called Mr. Gold.

_“Hello, Mr. Gold’s Escort Service, Gold speaking._ ” Mr. Gold answered his call in the way he always did. There was some sort of intense relief in calling him, like the agony was almost over, and the end in sight.

“Hello, Mr. Gold, it’s Killian,” he said confidently into the phone. It was the first time after all those months that he wasn’t unsure about the call. He was calling with a _purpose_ , with no intentions of sleeping with his Swan.

“ _Ah, Killian. I was wondering what happened to one of our best clients,”_ he replied, and it knocked Killian’s courage down a peg. _“What can I help you with today, dearie.”_

“I’d like to schedule a session with Swan, please.”

_“Are you available_ _tomorrow_ _? Otherwise her next open night will be_ _Thursday_ _.”_

Killian swallowed, suddenly nervous. He wasn’t expecting this confrontation to happen so soon. “Tomorrow’s good,” he cleared his throat. “Same place, room 2F.”

_“Alright, Mr. Jones. Swan will be at your room_ _tomorrow_ _at_ _11:00_ _.”_

“Thanks.”

Now, he had to prepare.

* * *

Killian was pacing the motel room, just as nervous as that first night. Although it was for different reasons, he still couldn’t stop the rapid beating of his heart.

His eyes darted to the door when he heard a knock, and he knew it was now or never. He was going to talk to Swan, and he was going to make things right again.

Killian put his only hand on the doorknob and turned it. “Hello, Swan… I want to apolo— _who are you_?”

Killian stared at a woman dressed completely in red, her hair long and brown with a single red streak in it. She was wearing a seductive smile – one similar to the face Swan always used during her visits – as she pushed herself into it. “That’s not the best way to answer a door, Mr. Jones.”

Killian shook his head, confused. “I’m sorry, but I was expecting Swan. I _requested_ Swan.”

The woman started pacing the room, taking in her surroundings. “She couldn’t make it tonight, so Mr. Gold sent me instead. You can call me Red.”

Killian wanted to roll his eyes. Mr. Gold really needed to come up with better names for his girls.

Red walked over to Killian, putting her left hand on his collarbone and dragging it around in a circle. She stopped right in front of him and put her forehead upon his. “Is there something the matter, Mr. Jones?”

Killian sighed, taking a step back from Red. “Thank you, lass, but I won’t be needing your services tonight.” A memory struck him as he thought back to that night he opened up to Swan about her brother and girlfriend. “Of course, you’ll be compensated for your time…”

Red pouted, turning and walking away from him. “Are you sure, Mr. Jones? Swan told me that you’re quite good, and I don’t want to miss out.” She sat on the bed, leaning back and patting the spot next to her.

Killian’s eyebrows shot up. “She… said that?” He couldn’t help the sense of pride he felt that Emma had talked about him to her co-workers.

“She said you’re a regular Jack Sparrow.”

Killian cocked his head, taking a step forward. “Can I ask you something?” Red nodded her head, leaning back to make her breasts lift slightly. “May I have Emma’s number?”

She immediately sat forward, a frown taking over her face. “Excuse me?”

“Emma… I really need to talk to her.”

Red stood up, the seductiveness completely gone as anger flooded her face. “How the hell do you know her name, pervert? Of course I’m not going to give it to you!”

“No, no! You don’t understand!” She started storming towards the door, but Killian caught her arm. “Please, Red. I need to talk to her!”

Red shook his arm off of her, a fearful expression taking over her angered one. Killian realized he seems like some sort of stalker, like he was obsessed with Emma and somehow found out her name. Red wasn’t only scared for Emma’s life, she was also scared for her own.

Red popped a hip and stood on her left leg. “We don’t date our clients. I’m sure Emma already told you that.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to date her… I just said I needed to talk to her.” Killian’s chest tightened as he saw Red backing up towards the door. “Well, will you at least pass on a message for me?”

Red’s eyes darted around the room before she nodded her head and put a hand on the doorknob. “Fine. What is it?”

Killian thought about it, knowing he had to choose the _exact_ right thing to say, otherwise Emma would cut him out of her life forever.

“Tell her… tell her I’m not going to ruin her secret, but that running away from isn’t the solution.” He wasn’t quite sure if that was the right message for her, but that was the best thing he could think of on the spot.

“Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Killian went to grab his checkbook. “I’ll just write that check for three hundred and you can be on your way.”

“I’m actually four,” she said. Killian could tell she would have been proud if she wasn’t still terrified for her life.

“Four hundred it is.” He wrote it off and gave it to her. “Have a good night, Red.”

Red didn’t even acknowledge him back before turning and leaving. Killian felt terrible for scaring the poor girl, even if it _was_ just an understanding.

Killian looked down at the stump on his left arm. He then marched over to the mini fridge to grab out his newest bottle of alcohol and a glass. He began pouring it and, just as he brought it up to his lips, he threw it at the wall instead. The glass shattered into pieces, the amber liquid staining the wallpaper as it dribbled down.

Killian’s eyes started to prickle with tears as he thought about how he might have lost his one saving grace in his hellish world. Emma wouldn’t even come to _see_ him, and Killian might not ever feel whole again. In fact, he’d feel emptier than ever.

As he lied down in the dirty motel bed, he now had no choice but to put all his faith in Red and hope she’d pass his message on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews help the muse!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek! Sorry I haven't posted this. I've had it written for months, but I've never been totally satisfied with it. But, then I decided to just post it.
> 
> No betas this chapter, so don't be too harsh on me. Also, I've been writing in the present tense a lot more lately, so sorry if it shifts. (I think I caught everything, but you never know.)

It’s been two months, and the heartache is still there.

Red might have passed on the message, but why would she? He seemed like Emma’s stalker, she was scared and probably said _anything_ to get out of there. But, it was worse to think that Red _did_ tell her the message, and she just chose to ignore it.

Usually he could dull the pain of Emma’s rejection in alcohol, but that night, it was too much to bear. Killian _had_ to see her. He didn’t know why he felt this way, or why this feeling was so much deeper than it should have been, but somehow, he found himself picking up his house phone and making a call to Mr. Gold’s Escort Service.

_“Hello, Mr. Gold’s Escort Service, Gold speaking.”_ The voice sounded exactly the same, the accent still there. Killian’s picture of him was more formed, despite still not sure what he really looked like.

Deepening his voice and trying to fake an American accent, Killian spoke into the phone. “Yes, I’d like to request your services.” He hit his forehead with his hand as he realized how desperate he has gotten.

_“Alright, what is your name, sir?”_

Killian looked around the room, trying to think up a name on the spot. “James…Hook.” Killian rolled his eyes, but kept the façade on.

_“And, Mr. Hook, is there a specific woman you’d like to see?”_

“I’ve had a friend tell me someone named Swan is good. Is she available?” Killian went over to the fridge, pulling out the first bottle of liquor he could find, popped the top, and drank straight out of the bottle.

_“Her first available appointment is Wednesday. If you’d like someone sooner, I have a woman named—”_

“Wednesday’s fine,” Killian interrupted.

He heard Mr. Gold chuckle. _“Of course. And where can Swan meet you?”_

Knowing he couldn’t stay in the dingy motel anymore, he thought of the first place he could. “Can she make it to Granny’s Bed and Breakfast?”

_“She can go anywhere in Storybrooke, for a price. Do you have a room number?”_

He hadn’t made a reservation there yet. “Not quite. Can I call back once I have the reservation settled? I’m coming in from out of town.” The lie was getting deeper and deeper, and he hated himself just as much as the first time he called, if not more for tricking Emma into seeing him.

_“If you call by 3:00 Tuesday, she’ll be able to come. Otherwise, you’ll lose your spot on her list.”_

“Duly noted,” Killian replied. “Is there anything else I should know?”

_“No. I look forward to hearing from you, and Swan will be at Granny’s by 11:00.”_

“Thank you.” Killian hung up the phone, his apartment suddenly too stuffy. He grabbed his coat and walked out the door, thinking fresh air could clear his mind a bit.

\---

10:55 pm.

This was it.

Emma was coming to his room.

It was now or never.

He jumped in place, shaking his hand and trying to calm his nerves. He was terrified of what was going to happen tonight, unsure of how she was going to respond with her walls so high up.

Killian heard the knock on the door, and his face shot to the door. He frowned as he took a deep breath, slowly walking towards the door. As much as he wanted to see her, part of him didn’t want to. He knew he couldn’t handle any heartbreak that could happen.

Placing his hand on the knob, he turned the handle, and slowly opened the door.

“Hello, Mr. Hook,” she said as the door was still opening. Once the door was completely open, and she could see who was really standing in front of her, she took a step back and moved from her seductive pose to a defensive one. “Killian?”

“Emma, I needed to see you and I didn’t know how else—”

“No,” she said, throwing her arms up and turning away from him. “I told you I never wanted to see you again!” Emma began walking down the hallway, away from him, and he knew he was losing his chance.

Killian quickly followed. “You can’t run away from this!” When she continued to walk, he grabbed her right arm and forced her to turn around. “From _us_.”

“I’ve run from everything in my life before, Killian, and this is no different.” She ripped her hand out of his grip and pivoted back towards the exit.

Killian groaned as he followed her. “Why are you being so bloody stubborn?”

“I don’t date clients,” she yelled over her shoulder. She was almost to the door, and Killian knew he only had seconds before she would be out of his life forever.

He ran ahead of her, blocking her from continuing down the hallway. “What if I don’t want to be a client?” he asked, forcing their eyes to stay in contact.

Emma rolled her eyes at him, scoffing at his words. “We already talked about this, Killian. You just like the _concept_ of me. If it had been Red or—”

But her words were cut off when he put his only hand behind her head and forced their heads together, placing his lips upon hers with complete urgency. He breathed her in, missing the taste of her.

She wasn’t responding to his kiss, and he finally let go of her, rejection flooding his very soul. He backed up slightly, creating space in between them. Killian stared at her, trying to understand how this could be so one-sided, how he could have such feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.

Killian looked down at the floor, his head turned down. “I… I’m sorry… I must have…” He didn’t even know what he wanted to say, his voice cracking with each syllable. His throat felt like it was tightening up, that it was only moments before it would be closed completely.

He didn’t even know what was happening when she grabbed the lapels of his jacket, pulling him towards her. She found his lips with her own and began a back-and-forth dance, tilting their heads to deepen the kiss and moving their lips in complete synchrony.

They fell out of the kiss, stumbling backwards from the mere force of the moment. After only seconds taking breaths, they began backing up back towards his room at the inn until she was slammed against the closed door.

Clothes were shed hastily, not wanting to leave each other for a second.

\---

Emma’s head was resting on Killian’s shoulder, his fingers dragging through her hair as a light humming was running through his body. It felt different, this time with Emma, and he knew why.

They weren’t just screwing each other, he wasn’t just paying to have sex with her. This time, there was a deeper meaning behind it, and it felt like their whole relationship flipped on its side.

“Did Red tell you?” Killian finally asked, curiosity getting the better of him. He moved his hand to drum her spine, waiting for his answer. “That I wanted to talk to you?”

“Yes,” she murmured into his skin, nuzzling her head a little deeper. “I told you I didn’t want to see you, and so I ignored everything she said…” she moved her head to look up into his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

He leaned down and kissed her temple.

“I don’t do this,” Emma admitted, sliding back down to her original position and moving her arm to start playing with his chest hair. “Date, that is. I’m not good at it.”

“It’s okay,” he replied. “After everything, I’m still a little shaky myself.”

They shifted until they were facing each other on their sides. “Why would you want to be with me? I’m a prostitute.” He saw a flash of hatred in her eyes when she said the words, and Killian moved his hand to cup her face. She closed her eyes at the intimacy, waiting for his answer.

“Do you remember what I was like when we met?” he asked, and she opened her eyes and nodded her head. “You brought me out of that. You made me feel like I could get back on my feet. Believe it or not, I don’t think anyone else would have been able to.” She gave a small smile, grabbing his hand from her face and lacing their fingers together. She kissed his hand softly. “Stay tonight?”

She bit her bottom lip, and Killian could see the wheels turning in her head. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, trying to sway her answer.

Finally, she nodded.

\---

They ordered room service for breakfast and sat at the little table while they waited. “Tell me about your childhood, Emma. I want to know more about you.”

“You mean, you want to know why I decided to become a prostitute?” she replied, looking down at her hands. “It’s not a good story.”

“I want to know more about your beginnings, so I can make sure your future is better. Start at whatever chapter you want.”

Taking a deep breath, she brought her gaze back up to meet him. “When I was 16, I met a guy named Neal. He was 20, and I we started to date.” Killian’s eyebrows shot up, waiting for her to continue. “I fell in love with him, hard and fast. My mom and brother – David – didn’t approve of him. They asked what was wrong with a man in his twenties, wanting to date a teenager. I didn’t care, I said we were in love, and so I ran off to Tallahassee with him.”

“Wow…”

“I cut off contact with them, thinking that my life with Neal was all I needed. That’s why I said I knew what it was like to lose a brother – I went a long time without talking to him, and he was as good as dead to me.” She took another breath, and Killian knew the tale would only get worse.

“When I was 17, Neal set me up for one of his crimes, and I was sentenced to go to jail for 11 months. When I was in jail, I had his baby, and I gave it up…” She looked off into the distance. “That day still haunts me…”

Killian moved his chair until he was sitting right beside her and took her hand. She looked down at it before studying his face. “I didn’t tell them any of it. I came back when I got out of prison and told them Neal broke up with me. To this day, they still think I spent over a year of my life not talking to them because I chose Neal over them.” She shrugged.

“I’m sure they’d understand if you told them what happened. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“A teenage pregnancy to a man they disapproved of? There’s no way I’m telling them that.” She looked down at her food. “Especially since David is the _good child_. It would just be another strike in the “Emma’s a failure” column if they knew.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” He said, trying to use the most soothing voice he could. “Everyone has a past – not just you.”

Emma shrugged before sticking some eggs in her mouth. “Well, once I came back, I could lie to my family, but I couldn’t lie on job or school applications. They all require background checks, and as soon as I turned mine in, they’d see my Florida records. So, I was walking around with a scarlet letter.”

“I’m sure there’s some job out there—”

“There is – Mr. Gold’s Escort Service. Ruby got me the job.”

Killian nodded, Ruby’s behaviors suddenly starting to make sense. “How’d you meet Ruby? She seemed pretty close to you the one time I talked to her.”

“I met her on the bus ride back here from Tallahassee. She was visiting someone in Pennsylvania and got on at a stop up there. She offered me the spare room at her apartment, but when I told her I couldn’t pay for it, she told me about her job with Gold and suggested I apply.”

“So, do you live with her, then?”

“No. I live with my mom. She lets me stay there rent free so I can save up some money. Hopefully, I’ll get my GED soon so I can apply for some community colleges.”

Killian smiled. “I’m in awe of your ambitions, Swan, and that you don’t let your past affect your future. I promise that I will never hurt you, and that while you’re with me, you’ll never feel pain again.”

She gave a small grin, but looked away. “Can you promise me you won’t tell David? About us or my job? I’d rather keep it to ourselves…”

He started to use his thumb to stroke the back of her hand. “That’s another thing I can promise.”

“Thanks…” Emma stood up. “I should probably be getting home. My mom’s going to be wondering where I was all night.”

“Ah, so _that’s_ why you immediately leave.”

Emma started to put on her heels. “Gotta keep up appearances.”

He watched her for a moment, trying to really understand her. She put up such a wall, and doesn’t let anyone see the true her. But here, right now, she just opened up to him, and it made his stomach churn just a bit.

“Let me get my checkbook…”

“No,” Emma said, waving her hand as she grabbed the purse. “If we’re going to try this, you can’t be paying me.”

“But Gold—”

Emma shrugged before walking over to him. “Mr. Hook is the one who stiffed me, not you. Please, don’t worry about it.” She leaned forward to give Killian a quick peck on the lips. “Give me your phone so I can add in my number.”

He unlocked it and passed it over. She quickly typed away and then gave it back just as her phone let out a _ding_. “I sent a message to myself.” She stood up and walked over to the door. “Bye, Killian.”

“Bye, Swan.”

He watched her walk out the door and close it behind her. Killian let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding before starting to pile up their breakfast dishes.

He felt lighter than he has in months, in that moment. There was something about Emma letting him in, about how she’s willing to give _whatever_ this is a try. All night, he hadn’t thought of Milah _once_. Emma and his new relationship with her were too blissful to be brought down by unwanted thoughts.

He picked up his phone and found her name, opening the messages and sending her a quick text.

**_Thanks for the lovely night, Swan. I hope I can see you soon._ **

And only minutes later, she texted him back three words.

**_I’m free Saturday._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are welcome!

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews help the muse!


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